APPENDIX

 

 

                THE DREAM AS ROADMAP:  A detailed description of all of the dream elements

​

 OVERVIEW

​

Before describing the specific details of the Dream, it is essential to recognize three overriding characteristics within it:

 

 1.) Every element in the Dream– each character, each space, each transition between the spaces represents an aspect of my personal psyche.  However, in the descriptions to follow, I have generalized them as representations within the human psyche in general, not just specific to me.  

 

2.) Each variable plays a defined part in the whole and is therefore essential to the full storyline. 

 

3.) The overall movement in the Dream exposes a developmental progression – the evolution of consciousness, which is set into motion by a life-stopping event. What will become clear throughout the narrative is that each physical space in the dream (Foyer, Studio and the Space Behind the Canvas) represents a different level of awareness or consciousness characterized by how the primary characters, Maggie, Nancy and my Soul, (see description below) hold themselves in relation to a particular authority figure – the Hungry Ghosts in the Foyer, the egoic-self in the Studio or the Great Artist who invites us to follow him through the gaping hole in the Canvas.   

         The movement in the Dream was a major revelation to me. It surprised me by placing those mind-blowing, heart-stopping events in our lives within a developmental progression, within a predictable pattern. It no longer defined them as merely out-of-the-blue, isolated, shocking-somethings in desperate need of healing, but very deliberately placed them into a wider context in relation to our preexistent picture of reality.  The movement in the Dream exposes how our reactions to these events are outer expressions of with how we see ourselves within our version of reality.  It portrays a life-altering event as a violation to our picture of reality leaving us with a choice: to either cling to the defiled picture or to let it go and trust where life will lead from there. The latter option takes us past all preconceived ideas or images, right off the edge of the Canvas into an undefined, open space. 

The climax of The Great Artist Dream – that unexpected Rupture in the Canvas – jangles our relationship to truth. It turns our worlds upside down by revealing what we thought was true to be false, or at the very least, limited. What we first experience as an unredeemable disaster gets exposed as a secret doorway into benevolence. 

     I am quite aware that this can be a pill too big to swallow, at this point.  But stay with me.

 

THE KEY TO THE ROADMAP

 

The following is a summary of the vital role each element of the Dream plays in relation to all the other parts and to the whole evolutionary process. The Great Artist Dream is the roadmap we follow throughout the rest of the book. This summary is meant to serve as the key to that map. Read through it now to get a glimpse of the journey ahead, and then use it as a reference point as you read the chapters that follow.

     You will notice that I have fleshed out some of the elements from the Dream based on my actual experience with them over the last two decades. 

 

THE CHARACTERS

 

1.  The Maggie-self, represented in the dream as Nancy’s friend, is the part of us that has come along with Nancy to study under The Great Artist. The  Maggie-self is an identity adopted in childhood who is based on survival and has been programmed to believe certain things. Her survival is best served by conforming to the energies, expectations and pressures that surrounded her in her formative years (i.e. the Hungry Ghosts [read on] in the Foyer), as well as the limitations and mistaken assumptions that she brought with her from her past life experiences (if reincarnation fits your worldview). Maggie is the holder of all of our fears, blocks and limitations. She shows us where we are restricted and stuck.  As such, she is the part of us that is cautious and fear-based.

     Maggie always places her trust in the authority of the Hungry Ghosts as well as the corresponding images on the Collective Collage painted by the others before her. Maggie never thinks for herself. She is just an extension of what she has been taught, having no real existence beyond the influences of the Hungry Ghosts and the pre-existent images on the Canvas. If she adds anything to the painting, it will be an image that is consistent with those that were painted by those who came before her. She would only paint an image that she thinks others would admire or approve of. In other words, Maggie is incapable of original, creative thought. In contrast to Nancy, Maggie does not grow and evolve. She deserves our compassion but not our allegiance.

 

2.)  The Nancy-self is the part of us that carries agency, the one who has the power to choose, who has free will. In psychology, we would call this part the ego, which is characterized as a separate sense of self. 

         Nancy is the part of us that can choose how she wants to respond to each of The  Great Artist’s invitations throughout the Artist warehouse –  unlike Maggie, who only accepts the Artist’s invitations if doing so allows her to remain identified with her childhood programming. 

When Nancy is given the opportunity to paint her own images on the Canvas in the Studio, she can do so through four different perspectives: 1.) Through her self-focused-ego, which paints images that only serve herself in some way without regard for anyone or anything else. This part is divorced from the whole. These images are self-focused. 2.) Through her analytical, problem-solving mind, where she works hard at figuring out the best, most accurate or smartest images to paint. 3.) She can choose to experiment, to get curious and creative, to try out some novel ideas and see where that takes her.  This is an expression of the freedom she allows herself, unlike the programmed Maggie-self.  4.)  Or, she can paint images that seem to represent the uniqueness of who she believes herself to be, to the best of her ability to discern it. This is a powerful part of the evolutionary process, when Nancy is beginning to experience a strong sense of a separate self.  This is not the same as her Soul-self, but it is far more authentic and more conscious than either her conforming, Maggi-self or her purely, self-serving-ego.

     Once a Canvas is ripped, however, it is once again up to Nancy to decide how to respond. She can abdicate her role as choice-maker and align herself with Maggie’s automatic, fear-based reaction. She can delude herself into believing that she can find a way to repair the Rupture.  She can choose to deny its existence and continue to paint images around it, or, she can surrender into the recognition that she has lost all control over the situation. This moves her into a position of genuine humility, with the admission: “I don’t really know who I am or what truth is. I’m all out of images.” From there, Nancy can accept The Great Artist’s invitation to venture outside anything she has ever experienced or could even imagine. All three of these perspectives provide Nancy with different experiences of herself and life. If she is paying attention, she can learn and grow from each of them. 

When the Nancy-self chooses to follow the Great Artist, i.e. the Creative Life-Force, she is put in the position to work in tandem with the Soul-self. (Keep reading for more on the Soul-self.)

 

3. The Soul-self is not a visible character in the Dream. She emerged into bold relief the moment Nancy stepped through the Canvas for the first time. The Soul-self and the Nancy-self may experiment with working together before the first major Rupture, such as in moments when we makedecisions for ourselves based on a deep inner knowing, going beyond what any outer authority would have us do. This is when the Nancy-self is very much intact but she is not acting egotistically.  She is tapping into something inside herself.  Maybe her karma or an aspect of her Soul’s calling.  It gets hard to put these experiences into distinct categories.  So bear with me, as I try!   Examples of this cooperation in my life are when I decided to go to graduate school or when I decided to leave the church of my childhood, stories I will tell in the pages to come. Neither of these choices was associated with a major Rupture in my life, but they were times when my Nancy-self chose to paint images consistent with my inner truth. They were not pre-determined by the pre-existing images painted on the Collage. However, consistent with the Dream, it is true that my Soul-self was made most evident to me on the Back Side of the Canvas after the first Rupture. When that happened, my Nancy-self blew up.  That was the first time I recognized such a clear distinction between the self I knew myself to be – a combination of Maggie and Nancy – and a self that was far bolder and truer than either of those could ever dare to be on her own – my Soul.

     I have come to experience the Soul-self as the part of us that is eternal and always in alignment with truth. She accompanies us through every lifetime. The Soul is the part of us that continues on, undiminished after death, retaining all the life-lessons that are learned through each incarnation.  Of course, I can’t prove any of this.  These definitions have arisen purely from my lived experience.

The Soul-self emerges gradually when the Nancy-self is inspired by a deep inner knowing to make a unique addition to the Collective Collage, and in a more drastic way, every time Nancy chooses to step through a new Rupture in the Canvas. 

 

4. The Three Hungry Ghosts are the combination of the Bookkeeper and his two, invisible sidekicks, the Preacher and the Protector. Like the Soul-self, the sidekicks are not visible in the Dream, but their presence is viscerally felt in the Foyer. Like lions at the gate, they stand on either side of the double swinging doors that lead into the Studio. The trio’s collective job is to try to keep Nancy and Maggie from entering the Studio where they might act on their own.  The Hungry Ghosts act as the inner representations of the outer authorities from childhood.

     The Preacher is the voice of “be good” or “be perfect” and The Protector gives the constant warning to “be careful” and “play it safe.” It is the Bookkeeper’s job to keep track of when we are following those authorities’ demands or when we are violating them. Once we are adults, the protective intentions they served in our childhood end up sucking the life out of us by keeping us small, afraid, guilt-and shame-ridden and most importantly, under their control.  Nancy dares to ignore their warnings by either acting on her own, listening to her deep intuitive truth or by choosing to step through the Canvas, while Maggie gives into them every time. Let me emphasize, that The Hungry Ghosts serve as a necessary incubating and socializing container during childhood but they become a hindrance to growth and individuation in adulthood. (For a fuller description of a related theory, see Richard C. Schwartz’s work on Internal Family Systems.  Start with, No Bad Parts ( 2021).)

 

5. The Great Artist is our wisest inner Guide. He is the part of us who encourages the Soul’s expansion, who continues to invite us into both the freedom of the Studio and the creative mystery that lies behind the Canvas. He is always respectful and honors both Maggie’s fear-based refusal to move forward and Nancy’s freely chosen participation in the journey. He is a personified form of the Creative Life-Force, of our Inner Reservoir of Unconditional Love and Divine Wisdom.  In the Dreamis expressed as masculine, but in life, the Inner Reservoir of Unconditional Love and Divine Wisdom shows up as equally feminine or non-binary.

 

THE SPACES:

LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

 

The contained spaces in the Dream represent three levels of consciousness designated in Transpersonal Developmental Psychology as:  pre-personal, personal and trans-personal.  The uncontained opening caused by the Rupture is a transitional space.  (For a comprehensive explanation of the evolution of consciousness, read anything by Ken Wilber. Start with No Boundary, (2001.)

 

 

1. The Foyer represents the pre-personal (preconscious) aspect of the self, which is always governed by an outside authority yet becomes internalized over time. In the Dream, this room is drab, grey, lifeless. It is also foreboding. It does not feel safe in the Foyer. It is anything but welcoming. This is where the Hungry Ghosts watch over us, flanking the entrance to the Studio. (The reasons my Foyer carries these characteristics will be explained in detail in Chapter One.) 

 

2. The Studio represents the personal level of awareness. This is the land of the ego, the experience of the separate self. The Studio is where my Nancy-self gets to make all of her choices. The Studio is associated with the analytical mind, with self-will and personal imagination, but it is also the place where Nancy can choose to surrender all control. Although Maggie follows Nancy into the Studio,she brings along her dependency upon the authority of the Hungry Ghosts. She is too afraid to avail herself to the real freedom that is offered to her in this new space.

     The amazing Collective Collage is displayed and encountered in this room. It includes a combination of the paintings of all of the people who have come before Nancy and Maggie and provides an opportunity for them to add images of their own. The painting is seen as an illustration of everything up to this moment in time that one might imagine, dream, assume, believe, desire, dread, aspire to, abide by, run from or move toward. It is experienced as truth, as reality.

     Although much of it was painted by others, it represents both of Nancy and Maggie’s personalpictures of reality. When Nancy and Maggie enter the Studio, it appears that they are both looking at the same Collage, but because the meaning that it holds for each of them is based on their separate levels of consciousness, they are actually experiencing two different images. In other words, the Collage is unique for each of them based on their relationship to it. Both Nancy and Maggie are mesmerized by the array of images on the Collage, but Maggie sees it as a complete picture of reality – a collection of images to choose from. To her, reality consists of what others have painted for her, which in her mind sets the limits to what is possible. Nancy, on the other hand, sees it as the totality of images painted by those before her, but also as a space for her to delve into her own imagination, thoughts and ideas – to participate with it, to add her unique touch to it, not just to accept it as all there is to life. To Nancy, the Collage is an opportunity to explore who she believes or experiences herself to be in relation to all the other images, as well as from a space of truth that lives inside of her. Until there is a Rupture in the Canvas, the experience of truth is mediated through Nancy’s perception of what that might be.

To Nancy, the Studio is where all the magic happens. To Maggie, the Studio is a holding place for all that life has to offer.

 

3. The Rupture in the Canvas is an opening that serves two purposes. It both defiles the Canvas which is what makes the Rupture so shocking and often painful, but it also provides the portal that exposes the Space Behind It. The Rupture is what brings about the choice-point between either seeing it as simply an overwhelming destruction of something that Nancy and Maggie valued and assumed to be real, a disaster to rail against – OR – after the initial shock, recognizing it as a doorway to someplace completely unknown. The Rupture represents the transition between the personal level of awareness and the unimaginable, transpersonal level of awareness that lies just beyond the mind’s ability to comprehend. 

 

4. The Space Behind the Canvas, which I often refer to as the Back Side of the Canvas, represents the supra-conscious or transpersonal aspect of the self. With The Great Artist as guide, this space leads into the great unknown, the indefinable mystery, into a pregnant emptiness which requires both deep humility and at least the size of a mustard-seed-worth of trust to enter. The price for admission is a willingness to surrender all control. Choosing to enter it always leads to greater awareness, despite the ego’s reluctance to let go of its control of things. In this Space, life is discovered. It is not something to be figured out or even imagined. 

     The Space Behind the Canvas is the alchemical matrix in which the Divine invites us to partner with it.

 

THE TRANSITIONS BETWEEN ROOMS:

THREE INVITATIONS, THREE RESPONSES

 

1. The First Invitation, which in the dream was the invitation to come and study under the Great Artist is the choice to incarnate into this lifetime – to come to the Earth schoolroom in order to learn life-lessons. It begins with our physical birth. Acceptance of this Invitation leads us into the Foyer.

 

2. The Second Invitation is to become a unique self with personal choice and agency. In the Dream, this second invitation was extended when The Great Artist invites Maggie and Nancy into the Studio,“Ready to come on back?”  This represents the birth of the ego or separate sense of self. The transition between the Foyer and the Studio always requires a willing participation. Nancy and Maggie both accept the invitation but on different terms. Maggie is eager to move into the Studio and she wants to add her own images to the collage, but she does not avail herself to the full opportunity offered to her there. Maggie can only experience herself as a separate person in terms of inhabiting her own unique body and experiencing her own unique history, but she does not give herself permission to think for herself. Her mindset stays within the restrictions of the authorities of her childhood. Nancy, on the other hand enters the Studio with a sense of openness and genuine curiosity. It is important to note that Maggie remains the constant companion of Nancy in both the Foyer and the Studio. Where they are separate from each other is in their personal experiences of each of the spaces, and most dramatically when Nancy chooses to step through the Rupture in the Canvas and Maggie stays behind, horrified by it.

 

3. The Third Invitation comes in the form of The Great Artist’s question as he opens the flap in the Canvas at the end of the Dream: “So, what are you going to do with that?” This question invites both Maggie and Nancy into the great unknown.

     Maggie stays focused on the destructiveness of the Rupture. Nancy’s acceptance of this invitation leads her into the Space Behind the Canvas, into a direct encounter with life, no longer mediated by assumptions, images, beliefs or expectations.

 

THE DIRECTION OF MOVEMENT

 

     The movement in the Dream is an evolutionary process that begins in the Foyer, leads into the Studio, goes through the Rupture and finally into the Space Beyond the Canvas. The entering of each space comes through a conscious choice. With each invitation, the Creative Life-Force continues to invite us toward greater expansion, but it is up to us to accept each invitation or to stay where we are. In the Dream, Maggie prefers to stay in the mindset of her childhood programming, whereas Nancy claims her right to personal agency, first by going into the Studio to paint her own images, and secondly, by choosing to surrender everything to follow The Great Artist’s lead. Moving into the Studio and stepping through the Canvas both lead to an expansion of the self – one through an incremental, gradual awakening and the other through an abrupt eruption.

     It is important to note that although the Dream presents this process as a seamless ever-expanding forward movement, in our waking lives, the unfolding of this evolutionary pathway is not linear. It always involves fits and spurts, two steps forward and five steps back, identifying with shrinking Maggie in one moment, with willful Nancy in the next, but eventually, if we dare to get curious, if we dare to trust the process even the slightest little bit, we can find ourselves merging into alignment with our Soul’s identity. For most of us though, it doesn’t end there.  Most of us inevitably step back into the Foyer where we are hoodwinked by the insatiable Hungry Ghosts all over again. Although it may look like it and be experienced as such, this whole meandering process isn’t just willy-nilly. This uniquely human evolutionary trajectory has the capacity to take us somewhere far beyond, deeper and wider, more loving and more true than we could possibly imagine on our own. This uniquely human evolutionary trajectory can take us to the miraculous, if we dare to accept its invitation.